Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Is There Sex In Heaven?

Description: Does the Bible say Heaven is sex-free? Should Christians believe in heavenly lovemaking in the afterlife?

I recently published a book entitled Is There SEX In Heaven? through The reason I wrote this book is because I was always taught that Heaven is a sex-free zone reserved exclusively for celestial monks and nuns. That was disturbing. Giving up sex for lent is one thing; giving up sex for eternity is a homiletic of an entirely different color. I told a friend of mine that I was writing a book entitled Is There SEX In Heaven? He said, "I sure hope the answer is yes; otherwise, I wouldn't want to go there."

I've heard others express similar sentiments. I, too, used to feel the exact same way for many years. But after doing my homework, I've come to the conclusion that most of the reasons most people give for a sex-free eternity do not hold water. That's because most of them are not even softballs; they're whiffle balls. Whiffle balls don't hold water. But there are a couple of objections that seem like hard balls... at first.
Jesus said there is no sex in Heaven. (Actually, Jesus said no such thing. I explain what Jesus "really" said; and what Jesus meant in
my book.)

Sex outside of marriage is a sin; no exceptions. (Actually, the Bible does give us a few exceptions, which I also explain in
my book.)

I hope you'll check out
my book on sex in the afterlife. After all, eternity without sex is kinda like coffee without a doughnut.

That's my opinion. What's yours?

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Monday, July 28, 2008

The Sex Lives of Celebrities, Serial Monogamy, and Swinging: What Celebrities Could Learn From Swingers

Description: Celebrities' sex life, serial monogamy, and swinging.

What do Angelina Jolie, Britney Spears, Tom Cruise, and Ed McMahon have in common?

Of course, all three of them are celebrities. But more than that, all three are serial monogamists. And since most adults have been involved in multiple monogamous relationships throughout the course of their lifetime, then it's fair to say that most adults, celebrity or not, are serial monogamists. Nevertheless, this phenomenon seems especially prevalent among celebrities.

According to People Magazine, as of June 21, 2008, Angelina Jolie is the third most buzzed about star as of this minute! The Hot List shows the most buzzed about celebs of the moment as measured by reader activity on Here is the Top Ten:

1 Jamie Lynn Spears

2 Britney Spears

3 Angelina Jolie

4 Brad Pitt

5 Rihanna

6 Nicole Kidman

7 Sienna Miller

8 Keira Knightley

9 Julia Roberts

10 Blake Lively

Consider the love life of each of these celebrities, as it relates to serial monogamy.

Jamie Lynn Spears

Jamie Lynn is the baby sister of Britney Spears. As of this writing, Casey Aldridge is her fiancé and they've been a couple since 2005.

Britney Spears

On September 07, 2000, Britney Spears and singer Justin Timberlake went public with their romance at the MTV Video Music Awards. But in March, 2002, Britney confirmed that she and Justin were no longer seeing each other. Britney told People Magazine:

"[The breakup] was horrible. Very upsetting and it took a lot out of me. He was my first real love, and I doubt I'll ever be able to love anyone like that ever again. But I'd rather spend two days with my soul mate than the rest of my life with some guy who doesn't mean as much."

Then on January 2, 2004, Britney married her childhood friend Jason Alexander in Las Vegas. The marriage was annulled after 55 hours. Spears told Matt Lauer it was an act of rebellion, prompted by a demanding performance schedule.

Next, on April 23, 2004, Britney hooked up with Kevin Federline, a backup dancer, and they become a couple. Shar Jackson, who was Federline's girlfriend prior to this, was also pregnant with his second child. Jackson told People Magazine:

"This just isn't right."

On September 23, 2004, Spears and Federline married in a surprise ceremony in Studio City, California, at a private home. She described the wedding as "my fairy tale dream."On September 14, 2005, Spears gave birth to son Sean Preston by C-section at UCLA Medical Center. He weighed 6-lb. 11-oz. While pregnant, Spears told People Magazine,

"I find being pregnant empowering. I think it brings out a pure side of you, and I think that's cool."

In August, 2006, Spears was six months pregnant with her second child. She appeared nude on the August cover of Harper's Bazaar with her hands placed over her breasts. "It made me want to cry a little bit, doing these photos," she tells the magazine. "I started feeling like myself again." On September 12, Spears gave birth to son Jayden James. "It just kind of happened," Spears told People Magazine of her second pregnancy. On November 07, after appearing on David Letterman's Late Show, Britney filed for a divorce from Federline, citing "irreconcilable differences."

In January, 2007, she was romantically linked with Isaac Cohen. After Spears split with Cohen, she hooked up with her current boyfriend, Adnan Ghalib.

Britney's ex-boyfriend, Justin Timberlake, has been linked with the following women:

Jessica Biel, girlfriend (2007 to present)
Cameron Diaz, ex-girlfriend (2003 to 2007)
Britney Spears, ex-girlfriend (2000 to 2002)

Angelina Jolie

Brad Pitt, boyfriend (2005 to present)
Billy Bob Thornton, ex-husband (2000 to 2003)
Jonny Lee Miller, ex-husband (1995 to 1997)

Brad Pitt

Angelina Jolie, girlfriend (2005 to present)
Jennifer Aniston, ex-wife (1998 to 2005)
Gwyneth Paltrow, ex-girlfriend (1995 to 1997, engaged)
Jitka Pohlodek, ex-girlfriend (1993 to 1995)
Juliette Lewis, ex-girlfriend (1990 to 1993)
Robin Givens, ex-girlfriend (1989)
Jill Schoelen, ex-girlfriend (1988)


Chris Brown, boyfriend (2008 to present)

Nicole Kidman

Keith Urban, husband (2005 to present)
Lenny Kravitz, ex-boyfriend (July 2003 to Dec. 2003)
Tom Cruise, ex-husband (1990 to 2001)

Tom Cruise

Katie Holmes, wife (2005 to present)
Penélope Cruz, ex-girlfriend (2001 to 2004)
Nicole Kidman, ex-wife (1990 to 2001)
Mimi Rogers, ex-wife (1986 to 1990)

Sienna Miller

Rhys Ifan, boyfriend (2007 to present)
Jamie Burke, ex-boyfriend (2007)
Jude Law, ex-boyfriend (2003 to 2006, on and off, engaged)

Keira Knightley

Rupert Friend, boyfriend (2006 to present)
Jamie Dornan, ex-boyfriend (2003 to 2005)
Del Synnott, ex-boyfriend (2001 to 2003)

Julia Roberts

Danny Moder, husband (2002 to present)
Benjamin Bratt, ex-boyfriend (1997 to 2001)
Matthew Perry, ex-boyfriend (1996)
Lyle Lovett, ex-husband (1993 to 1995)
Jason Patric, ex-boyfriend (1991 to 1992)
Kiefer Sutherland, ex-boyfriend (1990 to 1991, engaged)
Dylan McDermott, ex-boyfriend (1988 to 1990, engaged)
Liam Neeson, ex-boyfriend (1987 to 1988)

Blake Lively

Penn Badgley, boyfriend (2008 to present)
Kelly Blatz, ex-boyfriend (2004 to 2007)

So out of the top ten most buzzed about celebs of the moment, only two are not serial monogamist. Why are the vast majority of celebrities serial monogamists? And why are so many non-celebrities serial monogamists? Scientifically, there's strong evidence that suggests that humans are simply not naturally monogamous. This theory was put forth in the Marilyn Monroe movie The Seven Year Itch. Since then, the titular phrase "seven year itch," which refers to a disinterest in a monogamous relationship after seven years of marriage, has entered the popular culture. It has also been used by psychologists. (See The Ties That Unbind by Aaron Dalton, an article from Psychology Today.)

Another term that casts doubt on the notion that we are naturally monogamous is the catch-phrase "The Coolidge Effect." This term describes phenomena seen in nearly every species whereby males show continuously high sexual performance given the introduction of new receptive females. The notion of society is that we can't start a new sexual relationship until we end a current sexual relationship.

Swingers, on the other hand, believe we were meant to engage in a variety of sexual encounters. Studies show that the marriages of swingers are happier. Perhaps the reason so many of these celebrities keep breaking up is they are simply looking for a little sexual variety and society frowns on that.

So if Angelina, Britney, and their ex-lovers all shared themselves sexually, society would say "How naughty!" Yet swingers insist that such a radical lifestyle not only can work, but often does work; and they're living proof. It seems peculiar that society views sex as the only arena where variety is not the spice of life.

That's my opinion. What's yours?

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Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Are We Naturally Monogamous? Consider "The Coolidge Effect!"

Many of us living in this modern-day Western civilization take monogamy for granted. This is especially true for most Christians... even though Abraham, King David, Solomon, and other Bible heroes were polygamous.

Regardless of whether you believe in polygamy, polyamory, or swinging, chances are, most people you know outside of your subculture regard your non-orthodox lifestyle as an aberration. Welcome to the club.

Consider "The Coolidge Effect"

One of the biggest challenges to the notion that humans are naturally monogamous is what is known in scientific circles as "The Coolidge Effect." In biology and psychology, this term describes a peculiar phenomena seen in nearly every species whereby males show continuously high sexual performance given the introduction of new receptive females.

The term "Coolidge Effect" originated as a joke. Legend has it that President Coolidge and his wife were visiting a chicken farm. Mrs. Coolidge asked her tour guide how often their roosters have sex.

"Several times a day," was the reply.

"Be sure to tell that to my husband," the First Lady insisted.

Later, the tour guide relayed her message to the president.

"Mr. President, your wife asked me to give you this message. She insisted that I tell you that our roosters have sex several times a day."

"With the same hen?" President Coolidge asked.

"Oh no, Mr. President... with different hens. Roosters like variety."

"Well, you be sure to tell THAT to the First Lady."

Many Christians who are critical of multi-partner love styles might agree that most men, and even many women, have a natural proclivity for a variety of sex partners. But they would also insist that that proclivity is a result of The Fall. They claim that God made us monogamous, but when we inherited Adam's sinful, fallen nature, a lust for variety became a part of our fallen state.

I, on the other hand, believe that variety is the spice of life, not only in other aspects of life, such as food, entertainment, and other pastimes, but for sexual partners as well. Of course, sexual variety must be used responsibly.

That's my opinion. What's yours?

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Thursday, July 17, 2008

Why Dialogue Is Needed Between Swingers and Christians

Swingers and Christians Can Work Things Out By Talking

So why are swingers, particularly those who claim the name of Christ, unable to work things out with their Christian critics?

Here's the problem, as I see it, in a nutshell:

Many Christian swingers are not Bible experts. Therefore, they oftentimes find themselves intimidated and ill-equipped when defending their alternative lifestyle against the onslaught of the moral majority. Many of those who do know a thing or two about proper biblical exegesis and hermeneutics are cowering in the closet. Most swingers that I know of don't want to risk losing friends, family, or perhaps even a job by letting the details of their frowned-upon lifestyle out of the bag. This is especially true of swingers espousing Christianity.

If a person is a Bible expert, and a swinger, and a prominent member of the Christian community, he may fear the repercussions of unveiling his sediments to his church group. Some Christian swingers that I've talked to over the years don't "really" believe that swinging has the stamp of approval from the Man Upstairs. Nevertheless, they swing anyway because it's pleasurable and exciting. Perhaps they feel that as a Christian, they are saved from all that hellfire and brimstone stuff.

Actually, this used to describe me. But then I started to think... and study. Then, the wheels started turning. After putting two and two together, here is what I now conclude: Yes, cheating on one's spouse is a flagrant violation of trust; that is a no-brainer. Nevertheless, there is a huge difference between having an extramarital affair without your mate's knowledge and permission verses having extramarital sex with the knowledge and permission of your significant other. This should also be a no-brainer. Most swingers do have the knowledge and consent of their significant other. Therefore, most swingers do not regard swinging as cheating.

Oh Baby, What About Unwanted Babies?

Another chief concern among critics of swinging is that unwanted babies might be born outside of wedlock. This is and should be a concern for swingers and non-swingers alike. However, most studies indicate that most swingers take proper precautions. Also, let's not forget that birth control is a relatively recent innovation. The pill and propylactics were not available during the period when the Bible was canonized. Most swingers don't go to a swing party to make babies. It's recreational sex, pure and simple.

But doesn't the Bible say something negative about engaging in orgies? Yes. Don't some swingers engage in orgies? Yes. But we shouldn't rip things out of their historical context. This is the Bible's chief concern: The Bible mainly disapproved of orgies because they were used as a means of worshipping false gods and goddesses.

So what happened when unwanted love children were born as a result? No problem. Sacrifice them to the gods. My point is - and I do have one - is that comparing orgies as recorded in the Bible with orgies that take place at swing clubs is probably not comparing apples with apples. Most swingers do not go to swing parties to worship the Mighty Aphrodite or the Goddess Asherah; they go there to have a fun time.

What About AIDS and STDs?

Of course, Christians and non-Christians alike should be concerned about the threat of AIDS and other STDs. But from what I've read, these things are very rare in the swinging community. The bottom line is this: The Bible says nothing about swinging, one way or the other. And if it is possible to have a good time at a swing party and simultaneously love your neighbor without doing any harm, then why would God object? A God who makes rules without reasons is not a loving God; He is a Cosmic Killjoy. I do not believe God is a Cosmic Killjoy.

My Position on Swinging

My position is that swinging per se is neither moral nor immoral; it is amoral. It can be practiced ethically in the 21st Century. Swinging can be practiced in a way that is responsible, beneficial, and uplifting to significant relationships. Swinging can also be practiced in a manner that is irresponsible, destructive, and damaging to significant relationships; it simply depends on a wide variety of pertinent factors that have bearing on the ethical equation at hand. What I mean is this: I have no doubt that many people go to swing clubs to cheat on their spouse or significant other without their knowledge and consent. Most Christians would agree that this is not a good thing. So would most swingers. I also have no doubt that some swingers engage in risky behavior that could result in sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Most Christians would agree that this also is not wise. So would most swingers. Several studies also demonstrate that the average swinger is much happier and is more fulfilled in their marriage than the average non-swinger.

Nevertheless, most Christians would probably not even bother to take this evidence into consideration. And if they did, they would probably say something like, "So what? Swinging is still a sin!" They would probably quote passages of Scripture such as "Don't commit adultery" or "Flee fornication" to support their position. As a Christian, I also believe one should not commit adultery. I also believe that one should flee fornication. But I also believe there is massive widespread confusion regarding what these terms mean and why they are wrong. I believe that a Christian can engage in the Swinging Lifestyle without violating the will of God, simultaneously deriving many positive benefits as well.

This blog is designed to be interactive. Your opinions count. Feel free to leave your comments in the comment box below. Simply click comments. Also, be sure to take our poll in the sidebar. Thanks. I'll be writing more, so STAY TUNED!

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SWINGING & THE BIBLE: Should Good Christians Swing?

How Does the Bible View Swinging?

If there were A Manual for Dummies on Christian Ethics, "swinging" (a.k.a. wife-swapping) would probably be defined as "a deviant lifestyle for hell-bound perverts."

Though the new TV show Swingtown (see video clip in sidebar) portrays swinging as something that died out after the 70s, the truth is that it has simply been swept under the rug and into the closet. Swinging is now an underground movement that is very much alive and well right now today at the dawn of the 21st Century. According to NASCA (The North American Swing Club Association), right now there are well over 200 swing clubs in the US alone.

For most Christians (though certainly not all), swinging is simply a codeword for "adultery" or "fornication." Therefore, it should come as no surprise that when people like me suggest that swinging and biblical Christian ethics just might be reconcilable, we are ostracised as either a heretic, a lunatic, or both. In fact, swinging is regarded in some circles as tantamount to giving Christians a licence to go out and rob banks or murder innocent women and children. To them, the term "Christian Swinger" is an oxymoron, akin to "Christian Thief" or "Christian Hit Man." My response? To quote that Wild and Crazy Swinging Guy from the 70s, Steve Martin:

"Well, excu-u-u-se me!!!!!"

But seriously, folks, the task of persuading conservative Christians that the Holy Bible allows for swinging is a daunting undertaking indeed. Where does one begin?

For starters, we don't want to be so open-minded that our brains fall out. Translated into Christianese, the theological term for being too open-minded is "antinomian," which means "against the law" or "anything goes." Anything does not go. That's why swingers adhere to the rule "No means no." Anyone who knows anything about the Bible knows that there are sexual misdemeanors that neither the Bible, nor common sense, allow for. Of course, rape is wrong. Of course, child molestation is wrong. Duh! And no sane person wants an itchy case of crabs. Hey, I'm simply saying that swinging does not necessarily fall into that category.

None of us should have minds that are like cement - all mixed up and permanently set. Liberals call such people "right-wing conservatives" or "legalists." Meanwhile, many swingers suffer from what I call "a Dr. Pepper complex": Swinging is so misunderstood; if only those close-minded non-swingers tried it, they'd discover that it FEELS GOOD!

Or as Austin Powers said before his born-again makeover to monogamy: "Yeah, baby!"

Of course, it's not just fundamentalist Christians who don't want to engage in shagadelic smorgasbord love fests. For some, it's simply not their cup of tea. It has nothing to do with right or wrong. As one person told me, "I don't believe in God. Therefore, I certainly don't believe [as some Christians do] that swingers are all going to rot in hell. I've really got nothing against swinging, if that's what gives you the giggles. Swinging is simply not my cup of tea." For these people, to swing or not to swing is not a matter of right or wrong; it's simply a matter of preference, like choosing between black tea, oolong tea, green tea, or white tea. The point being, it's one thing to say "Swinging is not my cup of tea." It's quite another to say, "Swingers will spend their eternal existence writhing in a cauldron of boiling sulfur."

Regardless of what your current position is on this complex and highly-controversial topic, if you are a Christian (or even if you are not), you owe it to yourself and others to objectively examine all the pros and cons of both sides.This blog is designed to be interactive. Your opinions count. Feel free to leave your comments in either the chatroom or the comment box below. Simply click comments. Also, be sure to take our poll in sidebar. Thanks.

I'll be writing more, so

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